I never gave this to my daughter as I didn’t want her to think I was being melodramatic as I often am. I think its about time she knows how much I love her as today is her 22nd birthday and I am still as proud of her now as I was then. I want the rest of the world to know as well.
How hard it is to write a letter about the love I feel for you today and every day of the year. But I want you to know how much you are cherished and loved and how much you have changed my life for the better.
I was just a child when I brought you into the world. I look at you and can’t imagine how I did it. Younger than you are now, I often think about what a miracle it is we have made it to this day. I am sad in a way that I didn’t get to cherish every moment because I was so busy just trying to survive many days and wondering if I made the right choice. But every day I have been stronger because you were in it.
You were always such a strong child, stubborn and full of life. You had so much energy for everything. You would jump off tables, dressers, beds and sometimes you scared the heck out of me. I knew if I didn’t find an outlet for you soon that we were both going to be in a lot of trouble.
You chose sports and at times I reluctantly went along with the plan sometimes pushing you knowing that you needed something positive to motivate you in life. And sometimes I regretted the choices we made and felt selfish wanting you to quit because of the time commitment. But always knowing there was a greater purpose. I also felt guilty many times because you were so gifted and I couldn’t afford to put you in multiple activities. I vowed every year to try and do better the next so you could participate in as many activities as you wanted to. I tried hard to make that a reality but sometimes failed.
I remember kindergarten and not even knowing what to expect. In my immaturity I didn’t even realize that I was way in over my head and couldn’t imagine how we were going to get through this whole adventure. But somehow we found our way. Sometimes stumbling hard along the way but never actually failing. Because as you know the rule in our house is no on is allowed to fail at life.
I was terrified when you hit middle school. I remember being that age and hating my mother for just being her. But for some reason, you never seemed to care what people thought. You were pleasantly independent and so much stronger than I felt I could and would ever be. Don’t get me wrong, we both know you had your moments and sometimes still do but they were far tamer than I imagined they would be.
You reached high school I dropped you off the first day went home and cried and hyperventilated in a bag. You always made fun of me for crying at movies and commercials, and cute furry animals, and well I think I cry at everything. You didn’t understand the need to be so emotional and I think I could just never explain to you that I didn’t mean to it just happened. Let’s face it there is one thing in life I am passionate about and that’s my emotions (LOL).
What I like most about you is that you are so much like me, but what I love most about you is that you are so much different. I never worry about the person you are going to become because I know you are quiet fighter just like me. You will always find your way in the world no matter what happens. You can walk out the door with your hair in a messy pony tail ratted on top of your head and not care if anyone notices. You’re not too shy to attend events but yourself or make a fool of yourself. Heck you could probably eat a 3 cheeseburgers, a huge pile of fries, and a big milkshake and not bat an eye if anyone was watching. You’re so comfortable in your own skin and I am proud that you are you.
If there is one regret I have in life it’s that I wasn’t able to be full circle for you all the time. I feel I put so much pressure on you to be a better person, to not make my same mistakes, and to have to step up and be adult like a lot of times with your little sister. I think it made you mature beyond your years but too concerned to and involved where you weren’t able to just be a teenager sometimes. I always felt bad for that.
And now that the choice has been made and you are leaving next year to start your own life and find your own way. I don’t want you to worry about me because I will be okay. I want you to find your way and be free to live your life the way you see fit. I love you with all of my heart and want the best for you today and every day of your life.
There is only one more gift I can give to you on your 18th birthday and that is the knowledge that you should never ever apologize to anyone for being you. Always stay true to your thoughts and beliefs and don’t let anyone in life ever make you feel inferior. You are only as small as you let others make you feel. You will go somewhere do something and be somebody because I believe in you and that’s all that matters today and for the rest of your life.
Do you have a letter you never sent, something you wish you had said to someone but just never could? Sometimes I think its therapeutic to get the words out even when you can’t say them out loud. Send me your letter or note and I will happy you publish anonymously for you.by